Professional wrestling has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. Very few people in my circle share (or even tolerate) my enthusiasm for the world of sports entertainment. The simplest and, really, only argument that anyone has against it is that it’s “fake.” The layman is very quick to exercise this opinion as if it is revelatory or somehow demeaning to competitive sports and athletes. The occasional critic is even offended, as if my support for wrestling is a slight to their masculinity (…because, let’s face it, only men take sport-spectating so personally). Nevertheless, my love for this ubiquitous yet underrated form of entertainment has endured for over 35 years.
Wrestling and writing are my two great passions, and had I been wise or even remotely self-aware in my youth, perhaps I would be one of those obnoxious folks who brag about never working a day in their life because they love what they do. Alas, I did not listen to my teachers (sorry Mr Baker), nor my friends, nor my family, and not even God when he destroyed my life plans at 19; but I hear it’s never too late to blah blah blah—or something. I know this will be somewhat disappointing to folks that enjoy my writing but hate wrestling (which is pretty much everybody), but if you’re not picky about the content you consume, or if you’re just bored and need something to help you avoid doing work at your job, or if you’re curious as to how (and why) a 40-year old black man can enjoy a fictitious sport, then please read my recap of this week’s WWE Smackdown.
Opener: The Bloodline opened the show with Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns, returning after months-long hiatus. Personally, I hate how WWE puts so many of their Champions on a part-time schedule, but from a marketing standpoint, it’s a smart play. Afterall, absence makes the heart grow fonder…unless you’re a heel (bad guy), in which case it just makes everyone hate you more. But not me. 1200+ days as champion and I still love this evolution of Roman. Randy Orton interrupted the Tribal Chief to issue a challenge for the Royal Rumble. Amazingly, The Viper stood alone in the ring with the entire Bloodline and did not get smashed—not even after he threatened the Tribal Chief with an RKO. In fact, not a single punch was thrown. It was strictly verbal sparring and the two pros were on promo point! Paul Heyman didn’t even speak, and that’s the real miracle.
Match 1: US Champ Tournament, Carmelo Hayes vs Grayson Waller—Logan Paul (current US Champion and eternal douche) sent in some stupid pre-recorded insult promo making fun of both competitors. I ignored it. Took a few minutes to get the chemistry going in the match. There were a couple sloppy spots in the beginning, probably due to jitters on Carmelo’s part (this was only his second showing on the main roster) but the two were definitely vibing by the end. Waller pulled out a new move (some sort of twisting leg drop DDT from a top rope perch) and Carmelo sold it perfectly. Good performance by both competitors. Waller put over (lost to) Hayes which made me happy because I’m bias for all black wrestlers. I’m not a real journalist so I can do that. Welcome to Smackdown, Carmelo.
Backstage promo: Randy Orton and LA Knight—Always good to watch folks trying to befriend the Viper. They never learn! These two lone wolfs needing (but not wanting) to come together is good drama. You want to see the team-up just to watch it implode. I can’t wait!
Match 2: US Champ Tournament, Kevin Owens vs Austin Theory—Are we going to get a Logan Paul pre-recorded home promo before every tournament match?! Yes, apparently we are…
I hate the growing power of so-called influencers. As for the match, another keeper! KO is a rare breed, a brawler build with surprising athleticism and a decent aerial game who can actually wrestle in a classic style. Personally, I don’t like him, but his talent is undeniable and he puts on good matches; as does Austin Theory, and this match was no exception. Some good spots by both competitors, including a jumping seated Spanish fly suplex off the top turnbuckle by Theory. The drama in the match was KOs broken hand (given to him by Theory and Waller last week) which was played up appropriately and ended up giving KO the victory by accident which was a refreshing change because it saved us from having to watch KO use his stolen Stone Cold Stunner finisher (since his stolen swan-ton and stolen frog splash didn’t get the job done previously).
Bloodline Promo: This faction has such good chemistry, probably and obviously because they are related, but also because they have three years of drama to lean on so there’s no need for elaborate speeches or big antics. “Main Event” Jey Uso is getting great push on Raw and we love that for him, but his brother Jimmy Uso is an overlooked lynch pin holding both storylines together in my opinion. The Yeet-movement is taking off the Tribal Chief’s disapproval of the simple word is poignant and hilarious. Jimmy’s facial expressions are priceless and Roman’s silence speaks volumes. 60 seconds of great wrestling promotion.
Backstage interview: Kayla Braxton—so hot right now! I love that beautiful orphan! She could wear a potato sack and still be the hottest segment on the show, but she didn’t, she wore a red leather skirt and matching sleeveless top. And my heart exploded in my chest.
Oh yea, KO was there, too. I suppose she was interviewing him, but who cares? Carmelo Hayes interrupted and said some stuff before the camera went back to Kayla (where it belongs).
Breaking News: Charlotte Flair out for nine months?! Noooooo!!!!!
I think that unexpected injury forced WWE to pivot. So now Damage Ctrl is showing a united front (whereas before they were getting ready to turn on founder Bayley). They bragged about taking out the Queen and bringing back the Kabuki Warriors.
Match 3: Kabuki Warriors vs Michen & Zelina Vega—Everyone knew how this match was gonna play out. No disrespect to the competitors, but this was a recovery match for the crowd, which is necessary in order to keep the energy level up for the main event. Nevertheless, these ladies delivered; although one more than any other, and that’s Michen. After nearly a year of leaving no impression whatsoever, Michen looked great in this match: some nice martial arts sparring with Asuka plus a good showing of her power and a few well-executed technical wrestling moves. Her partner, Zelina, on the other hand, looked slow and uncertain in the ring. I really hope Zelina can find her lane in the WWE because she is a great personality and she has good wrestling ability, but lacks execution. Bayley and Dakota Kai interfered out of habit more than necessity. The Kabuki Warriors looked great, although the match as a whole lacked natural chemistry. Fortunately, Kyrie’s finisher, the Insane Elbow, is such a thing of beauty that it leaves fans with a good feeling at the end of every match. Damage Ctrl still going strong.
Promo Battle: Santos Escobar (pre-taped) vs Bobby Lashley & The Street Profits—Santos is really coming into his own as a solo superstar. I don’t know what’s going on with Bobby Lashley. He needs to bring back the Hurt Business faction because whatever it is that he and Street Profits are doing, it ain’t working.
Main Event: Randy Orton vs Jimmy Uso—Not much to say about this match. It was a low-drama, fan-pleasing match designed to put over Randy as he ascends through the ranks of the Bloodline headed for the Tribal Chief. It’s the standard first chapter in practically any faction storyline. Randy hit all his standard spots and Jimmy played his low-man-on-totem-pole role well. I can’t remember the last time Jimmy won a match, but it’s probably more recent than I think. The real drama came post-match: the return of AJ Styles! The Bloodline was laying the smackdown on Randy Orton and LA Knight when “Phenomenal” (AJ’s entrance music) hits. After being absent for over two months, AJ hits the ring, and the Tribal Chief, with a Phenomenal Forearm! The trio forces the Bloodline to retreat, then out of nowhere, and for seemingly no reason, AJ Styles floors LA Knight with a massive clothesline, surprising everyone, even the The Viper. He then casually walks out the ring and up the ramp, right past the Bloodline without a second glance. Umm, wtf just happened?! Tune in next week to find out!